


Persistence

by Corrosion



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Sex, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Humor, Kitchen Sex, M/M, by submitting into somebody's inbox lmao, if this shows up as a new story just because I edited the tags..., inappropriate use of whipped cream, tags will be added as the 'story' progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 06:49:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6413293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corrosion/pseuds/Corrosion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Angeal, Sephiroth, and Genesis attempt to have sex, but discover that maybe they're not exactly cut out for that kind of activity. Being SOLDIER, they, of course, refuse to give up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kitchen Sex

Genesis was busy spraying whipped cream over his naked body when Sephiroth walked into the kitchen, tempted by the scent of whipped cream. “So you’ve noticed,” Genesis purred, completely unfazed. He had put a towel underneath himself, so as to not touch the cold kitchen floor. The whipped cream, melting from his body heat, began dripping onto the towel. 

 

“...Why are you spraying whipped cream on yourself?” Sephiroth asked as he eyed the whipped cream. 

 

“So you can lick it off, of course,” Genesis responded, giving the half-empty can a thorough shake. He sprayed a bit more over the dip in his stomach and let the melting cream pool. 

 

“I am to do what?”

 

“Lick. It. Off.” 

 

Sephiroth, despite how he didn’t like Genesis’s tone of voice, came over, knelt down, and put his face near Genesis’s chest where there was a large dollop of whipped cream. He tentatively stuck his tongue out to taste the cream, much like a cat would lick up water. 

 

Genesis arched his back when tongue touched flesh, but he did not see that he and Sephiroth’s idea of just what part of this exercise constituted a treat were not in sync. Sephiroth did his part and dutifully continued to lick up the cream. Soon, Genesis was panting and reaching out to grab Sephiroth’s head in his hands. What he, in the heat of the moment, unfortunately forgot, was that he was still holding the bottle of whipped cream. The can hit the side of Sephiroth’s head with a solid thunk and pushed his forehead firmly into Genesis’s solar plexus. 

 

Sephiroth jerked his head up, a bit concussed from the hit, and managed to smack himself into the can again. On the scale of being able to be hit by a SOLDIER head and come out the winner, a whipped cream can is relatively low compared to, say, other SOLDIER heads. The can burst open, the metal rupturing directly in Sephiroth’s face, spraying him, Genesis, and the kitchen with high-pressure whipped cream. 

 

A moment passed in which the mess-makers gave each other a look that was only interrupted by Genesis’s hacking, which he would later blame on Sephiroth’s entire face. 

 

“I. That was unintentional,” Sephiroth said, still slightly cross-eyed from the hit. He lifted his head again, ready to try again despite previous failed efforts, and gave the kitchen a good look-over. Once he had concluded that he had comprehended the scene correctly, he lay his face down on Genesis’s chest, further smearing the whipped cream. 

 

“As much as I appreciate your lips near my nipple, we need to clean this up before Angeal comes home.” Why was it that every time he tried to have sex with anyone it ended in mutually-caused disaster? He rolled Sephiroth off his chest almost reluctantly and got to his feet, cream dripping off his body and onto the towel. Sephiroth remained face-down on the floor. 

 

Sephiroth finally turned his head to the side to give a patch of whipped cream that had landed on the kitchen floor an enterprising look.

  
“No, don’t lick that, that’s on the floor,” Genesis said as he wiped a bit of the splattered whipped cream off of the face of the refrigerator with a sponge. He had somewhat wiped his body down, even if he was still slightly sticky. “Get another sponge and help me clean up.”


	2. Kitchen Sex, Take 2

Emboldened by their last failure, Genesis and Sephiroth resolved to successfully have sex in the kitchen. It had appeared sexy and appealing on the television, and some songs talked about taking another in the kitchen, so they figured that it was an appropriate place to have sex. They had concluded that their previous incident was caused by Genesis thinking of having whipped cream licked off his naked body as a precursor to sex, and Sephiroth thinking of licking whipped cream off of someone’s naked body as a weird and inefficient way to eat whipped cream. Now, both had agreed to have sex in the kitchen, if only to prove that they could. 

 

This time, they had brought the lube, the condoms, and a towel not soaked in whipped cream. Genesis had taken off his shirt and pants before entering the kitchen; Sephiroth didn’t have a shirt to take off, though he did have pants. “Put those pants down--we won’t be needing them.” Genesis glared at the pair of pants in Sephiroth’s hands, which promptly tossed the pants into the dining room. 

 

Unbeknownst to the pair, there was a slightly malicious someone watching their every move. A frying pan in each hand, the person thought back to the previous attempt at sex. Someone had had to clean off the molding whipped cream from in between the fridge and the cabinets and from the top of the kitchen light. There was only a little bit of curiosity concerning how the whipped cream had ended up there, but the perpetrators could answer for their crimes later. There was revenge to be had. Angeal pushed the earplugs into his ears.

 

Meanwhile, Genesis and Sephiroth were determinedly grinding their hips together, having lain down on the towel some moments prior. Moaning, Genesis leaned his head back to let Sephiroth bite a red and angry line across his collarbone. He reached a hand down to start taking off his boxers and soon both pairs of underwear were in a heap on the floor. Sephiroth began to run his hand down Genesis’s sides, appreciating the muscles there.

 

Slipping his other hand between them, Sephiroth began to fondle Genesis’s balls with his unoccupied hand and-

 

“UNSANITARY!” Angeal’s yell was punctuated by the noise of the flat sides of two cast-iron frying pans being brought together very, very quickly and even more firmly. Now, Angeal believed in the adage that, should your frying pan be brought into contact with someone else’s head, it should be the head that gets dented, not the frying pan. He still believed this should hold even though all heads that he desired to give a good whack were likely going to be the heads of his housemates. They didn’t know how hard it was to find a good, decent frying pan that could withstand SOLDIER use. 

 

Alarmed by the sudden noise, Sephiroth made both hands into fists, which, of course, included the one pawing at Genesis’s balls. Genesis screamed and tried to escape, only to be held down by Sephiroth’s teeth clenching down on his collarbone. He would admit to being a sadomasochist in a heartbeat, but squeezing his testicles as if they were about to engage in combat was unacceptable and he had to let that be known. Angeal continued to bang the pans together.  

 

Sephiroth screamed back at him, ears ringing and sight going white from the noise, and squeezed harder. Genesis took the opportunity to detach Sephiroth’s mouth from his collarbone, though tears pricked at the corners of his eyes from the sheer pain. He opened his mouth to shout something, anything, but no words came out, so he closed his mouth again and concentrated on freeing himself from Sephiroth’s grasp completely. The clashing of the pans did not cease. 

 

“Stop!” Sephiroth shouted, still holding Genesis’s balls hostage, “Angeal, stop!” The noise subsided, but the storm was yet to arrive. 

 

“Care to explain why you’re having sex in the kitchen?” Angeal held the frying pans up threateningly; whether he was threatening to whack both of the troublemakers on the head or threatening to make more noise, he did not know. “I had to wipe up moldy whipped cream from the face of the fridge. If you two had cleaned up properly, I might be wondering if I could join in next time instead of wondering if I need to supervise you in case you contaminate everything else, too.” 

 

Genesis and Sephiroth looked at each other and went wide-eyed, Genesis from pain; Sephiroth, fear. There was no good way to explain this beyond “experimentation” and both of them knew that that was not an Angeal-accepted answer. The burly man had had too much of Zack using that excuse to be able to tolerate it any longer. Sephiroth uncurled his fists, Genesis breathed a sigh of relief, and Angeal tapped his foot and crossed his arms, the frying pans making him look somewhat like a muscle-bound weathervane. 

  
“I take it that there is no good explanation.”


End file.
